The Devil Made Her Do It

In a response to Access Hollywood regarding the cheesy girl-on-girl photos that surfaced last week, Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus blamed it on the devil. 

“…it’s Satan attacking and it’s just one more thing I have to deal with,” she said about the pictures of her and a young friend tarting it up for the camera.  Looking at the pictures it’s clear they weren’t taken by the subjects themselves.  I submit it may not be Lucifer, but the person who took the pictures who is to blame.  Where were the parents?  Cyrus is fifteen and could very well be left home alone, but I doubt that’s the case when you’re worth millions.  Who was in charge of this so-called sleepover photo shoot?  Who uploaded the shots onto the Internet?  Who didn’t tell their daughter that this kind of behavior is almost certain to show up online and haunt you, perhaps forever. 

Parents can use Hannah Montana’s trouble to teach their own tweens and teens the dangers of the seemingly innocent digital camera.  Even a cell phone can turn a young girl’s goofing around into something sleazy.  Forget about celebrities, all our girls (and boys) are on display in the digital world.  Teach your kids to think before they ham it up for the camera.

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Jamie Lynn Spears Never Had a Chance

Surely we are not surprised to hear the news that 16-year-old Zoey 101 star, sister of Britney, and daughter of parenting expert Lynne Spears is pregnant.  It’s not out of the ordinary for teenagers to become pregnant.  The shocking part may be that we know at all.  Why should any of us know that this young girl is 12 weeks pregnant?  Who would alert the press?

Hmmm… makes you wonder what kind of motives are at work in that family.  Maybe Lynne Spears will enlighten us in her new book on parenting.  I can’t wait to learn what advice she gives for becoming a fabulous mom.  Is it all about the press?  Remember when Britney was marketed as America’s last teenage virgin?  You can’t blame Lynne for wanting to forge her own identity.  I mean Jamie Lynn. 

Besides, the whole role model thing didn’t work out for Britney.  Maybe her sister just wants to get the scandal out of the way up front and then pull a transformation act, thank her Lord and Savior, and then cash in on the growing market for Christian Everything.

Based on her name alone, poor Jamie Lynn never had a chance.  And I don’t mean Spears.  Check out that first name.  Her parents – Jamie and Lynne – were either completely without imagination or just a wee bit self-absorbed.  Or maybe they just couldn’t be bothered with naming baby. 

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Will Lily Allen Do Lullabies?

The Associated Press reported today that singer Lily Allen is expecting her first child with boyfriend Simmons.  My only question is what music will this talented musician play for baby?  My husband introduced me to Allen last year and I got hooked quickly to her fun melodies and beat.  However I had to quick-finger the eject button before my kids deciphered what her ex had been doing to the girl next door.  I know there is enough good music to go around, but sometimes it just stinks to have to ban artists like Allen and Pink for a little crass language.  Listening to music should be fun for parents too.  I’m dying to hear the KidzBop version….

So where do you draw the line? 

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Crowned Gives Us Mothers in Tiaras

For all you moms out there whose daughter doesn’t have a successful film career, don’t worry – you can still become a train wreck together.  Crowned:  The Mother of All Pageants premiered tonight on the CW.  In theory, the mothers and daughters compete as a team, but we are all familiar with the reality of reality TV.  No drama no ratings.  And what’s more dramatic than the mother-daughter relationship?  Throw in some jealousy and maybe a lost lipstick and you’ve got the formula for a hit.  Runny mascara and all. 

I was pleasantly surprised to see that the mothers and daughters are not veteran pageant contestants.  They are regular girls that have signed up for an unhealthy dose of humiliation.  Let’s see if the mothers can behave as such instead of getting sucked up into the fantasy that they can recapture their daughters’ youth.

Paris Needs a Puppy Pal

Paris Hilton confided to Ellen Degeneres on her show that she wanted to have a baby.  Stop already!  Isn’t Britney warning enough?  Babies are cute, puppies are cuter.  Just get a dog and be done with it because that Baby Bjorn will not keep baby safe when you fall off the table you’re dancing on. 

And Lindsay Lohan?  You too!  Take a trip down to the ASPCA and then make sure your birth control is working. 

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Name Your Baby in Celebrity Style
The Truth About Pregnancy and Childbirth
Am I Pregnant?  Early Signs of Pregnancy

Let Britney Adopt A Puppy

One of these women needs to raise children.  The other needs a puppy. 

Why are we so messed up?  Don’t you suppose it would be harder for Ellen Degeneres to adopt a child than for Britney Spears to get her hands on one?  The popped up princess is rumored to be in negotiations to adopt a six-year-old pair of Chinese twins.  Huh?  Didn’t China start cracking down on unfit mothers and such?  Maybe they’re just really mad because we exposed all those nasty toy ingredients and this is their revenge.  They’ll show us – just offload some more worthless girl children.

And then there’s Ellen.  After all that nonesense this summer with the dogs, I couldn’t help but wish she and her girlfriend Portia DeRossi would just go ahead and adopt some kids already.  I mean if you’re goign to cry all to pieces in front of total strangers, you’re practically a mother already.  But who knows – maybe they know better.  Could it be that if you’re really good with pets, you’re horrid to children?  And vice versa? 

If so, Britney ought to try the pet mommy role again.  But I suspect all she’s really after is something to cuddle.

What’s with this attitude that if you have enough money you can just write a check and dial up a kid?  It’s all a bit confusing to see celebrity adoption in the media portrayed as a quick and smooth solution for one party or the other.  Real life adoption is messy, hurtful, and often full of less than pure motives.  It’s not that we should expect more from our celebs.  The thing is, we ought to hold everyone to a higher standard.  I don’t know what the answer might be.  All I know is it looks more like family and less like buying babies. 

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Does Hannah Montana Need a Personal Trainer?

Miley Cyrus, aka Hannah Montana, meets with a personal trainer to keep the ravages of time and gravity away from her soon-to-be-saggy fifteen-year-old body.  Admit it, she’s a cow.

While hiring a personal everything is certainly a showbiz phenomenon, think about the real world correlation.  Gyms are targeting younger and younger kids hot on the heels of America’s obesity issue.  There has been a reality show for fat kids.  Food companies are cashing in on special foods so our kids don’t get too fat. 

What are we selling our kids in the name of health?  Children in some states are receiving BMI analysis along with their report cards.  Parents need to be cautious about the messages they send kids.  Maybe Miley needs a trainer.  Fine.  Someone’s got to get her ready for the cover of Maxim. 

What about your daughter?  Does she really need an hour on the treadmill to burn off that cookie? 

You’re the only one who knows the answer.  If you’re paying attention.

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Big Daddy Snoop Dogg Coming to E!

I like to think this is how Snoop Dogg cheers for his kids from the sidelines – beaming with pride and all eyes on the game. 

We’ll find out soon enough.  The Big Dogg has a new reality show premiering soon on E! Entertainment television.  Fatherhood is supposed to hightlight the intersection between Snoop’s professional life and family life.  Why am I so excited about it?  I’m not quite sure, except that I like Snoop Dogg.  I don’t like his lyrics, but I love his voice.  I don’t like his values, but I love his beats.  Plus, there has alsways been something about him that makes me think he’s a good guy underneath all the image and talk. 

I’m not the only one who thinks Snoop Dogg might just be a decent role model for fathers everywhere.  He’s been commended in the rap community for stepping up to fatherhood.  And maybe getting arrested illegally possessing a handgun and cocaine, transporting marijuana, and having a false compartment in his car – because clearly he needs one – are not your gold standard of fatherly role models.  But I’m still optimistic.

Here’s why.  Something about the Doggfather tells me his approach to parenting is close to my own.  Start where you are.  He’s doing his best despite his own painful childhood.  And let’s face it, we all teach our kids to be like us.  You may not agree with Snoop’s value system, but that doesn’t mean he’s not passing it on to his children the best way he knows how.  In my book, that’s admirable.

Hogan Does Not Know Best

This is the picture we were supposed to buy in the reality show starring Hulk Hogan and his family.  Hogan Knows Best.  Just your typical, wealthy American family with a loving yet strict father at the center.  How very fifties.

And maybe they do represent what we’ve become.  Spoiled, entitled, and lazy. 

Today Nick Hogan was arrested.  It’s probably the best thing that could have happened to him, but it’s unfortunate that the state of Florida has to do Hulk’s fathering for him.  Nick deserves to be removed from the roads for his reckless driving, which has left his friend and Iraq veteran John Graziano in a coma, possibly brain damaged.  It should have been Hulk Hogan who laid down the law.  Nick is seventeen years old.  Too young to be driving a Mercedes in my book, but it’s safe to say the Hogans and I don’t share the same tax bracket. 

Oh well, boys will be boys and you really can’t go spoiling a kid’s fun now can you?  What’s the fun of having a hot car if you can’t race it?  I’m not unsympathetic.  I just got a ticket myself for hauling down a country road in my sweet new Toyota at twenty miles over the limit.

That’s why we have police.  To catch bad guys like me and Nick Hogan.  The first time Nick got pulled over, he was going over 30 miles over the limit.  He received a warning because – according to him – the officer knew who he was.  The cop, apparently not wanting to endanger too many innocent drivers, called ahead to his buddy down the road who then caught Hogan going an additional 15 miles over the limit.  So that’s 45 miles over the limit.  Recall that I was going 20 over.

The difference between me and Nick is that I have to worry about my insurance premiums.  I’m not famous.  But I should know better.  Nick is seventeen years old.  Daddy should know better. 

This kid has a proven history of driving recklessly.  Could someone not take the keys away from this kid?  Or would that damage his self-esteem?    The Hogans are trying to blame the accident on the rain, denying it had anything to do with their son’s accelerated speed. 

Seriously?

I’m not for digging into deep pockets because of an accident.  But my question is, how many other parents out there – the ones who live next to regular, non-famous people like us and driving down our highways – are letting their kids run wild liek this?  This kind of permissiveness ultimately ends in tragedy, and it’s seeping through our society. 

Be a hard ass with your kids.  It’s your job.

Esmerelda has a link to a video of Nick’s arrest here.

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Heather Mills Spends $200k On Daughter’s Birthday Party

Doesn’t Heather Mills look like she’s suffering from a major spending hangover?  No wonder, Paul McCartney’s ex recently spent over $200,000 for her four-year-old daughter’s birthday party.  How do you even do that?

60 kids had a blast with actors in Disney costumes, movies, fountains, trampolines, and bouncy houses.  And the birthday girl got a pony.  Naturally. 

Let me just say, I had a really tough time droppng four grand on a family vacation for four to Disneyland.  I waited until my kids were old enough to remember the experience before carting them off to Mickey’s paradise.  When we got home I told them we’d consider going again in five years.  Now I remind them how much fun they had every chance I get.  I have to get my money’s worth.  Little Girl McCartney is four years old.  She will not remember this party!  And a good thing too, because all those people must have scared the crap out of her. 

Momma Mills didn’t stop the extravance with the pre-school set.  Later in the evening, she used the occasion as an excuse to throw her own soiree - black-tie not optional - for more than one hundred close personal friends. 

It’s not Heather’s fault.  She’s just keeping up with the birthday Joneses.  The children’s birthday party scene is out of control.  Parents from all social and economic strata are spending way too much on their kids’ birthday parties and I can’t help but wonder who they’re trying to impress?  Because let’s just take a breath and try to remember our fourth birthday…

Anyone?

Let Them Eat Cake

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